Week 10 Post 3

A concept that stood out to me in this week’s reading was the idea of victimization, and how people can use that to be manipulative. I am a firm believer in there is your side, their side, and the truth. I have known many people in my life who have stuck to their own side, and played the victim card. While there are some who are truly victims of abuse (physical or mental), it really bothers me when some try and wrongfully make themselves the victims. If you are at fault, own it and I guarantee there will be more respect for you in the end…but when someone plays the “whoa is me” angle over and over again, those around them begin to see it and their validity is gone. Some honestly might even believe they are wronged because they are so deep into a self-centered orientation, which makes it harder to break through to.

Week 10 Post 2

Forgiveness is something that I used to not be able to find, but as I’m maturing I now look back on issues I had and they just seem trivial now…I have moved on from my high school group of friends who I constantly was bickering with and after we parted ways I didn’t think I would forgive them. It had to do with a breakup with my old boyfriend which didn’t end so well, and over the course of a few months when I began seeing my now-fiancé they basically chose him over me. Initially I was very hurt, and I decided that cutting off the communication is what needed to happen. Whenever I would hear about them it would set off a twinge of angst inside of me because I felt that they had betrayed me. But I realize now what I was feeling was sadness because I was losing friendships that had meant a lot to me, but now I see why that had to happen. Some of them reach out to me from time to time, and I wish them nothing but the best, but now I have friendships that are much deeper and where I am headed now.

Week 10, Post 1

I am happy to say that this answer has definitely changed for me over the past couple of years…before it was about what I was pretending to be (going to parties, trying to look “cool”) but since being with my fiancé my Facebook has changed into who I really am. I think if someone read my Facebook they would see someone who is growing and making wise decisions, that really cares for her family and friends. I have actually deleted posts that were inappropriate because I think about (now, not before) how I want future employers to see me. Relating this back to communication and conflict is easy, because we can be self-centered or more focused on our relationships and how we affect others…I don’t post personal statuses attacking others because I know that that can be painful. There needs to be more of a filter on Facebook just like in our daily lives.

Week 9 Post 3

I loved learning about anger as a second emotion, and that there was always something deeper than we were understanding in that moment. So many times I have gotten angry but really I was just hurt or upset about something they had done beforehand. When the book said that fear was the emotion that occurs the most because we feel threatened, I see how anger can come out as a defensive maneuver. Some of the most insecure people can be the most violent, which is why many people get themselves into trouble because they are trying to indentify themselves in something else (i.e. a gang, a clique, etc.) Like when I’m at work and get upset, it could even be that I am afraid for their safety or that they aren’t learning to listen to me and I’m not getting through. We are so complex as individuals that the fact that there is an emotion beneath the surface is not surprising to me.

Week 9 Post 2

This question really made me think back to when I used to be a person who (when really upset) would yell and use extremely defensive behavior when in a fight…I’m happy that now when I am in a fight with someone, 99% of the time I am able to stay calm. Sure, there might be a more harsh tone, but for the most part I am calm. I find that when I yell, I end up feeling really badly about it and regret it, so I have cut that out of my conflict style. When I bottle up emotions, that’s when the anger builds up and I find remaining calm to be more challenging. I have to be mindful and be able to think ahead to what I’m going to say while still listening to the other person. It’s not easy, but it is definitely worth it in the end because the respect is still there between me and the other person. Plus, remaining calm while someone else is blowing up and yelling maintains your own dignity and they usually realize that the yelling didn’t help the situation in the slightest

Week 9 Post 1

My work commitments and schoolwork are two things that are a major part of my life, because I’m a fulltime student and a nanny 4 days a week. The first solution would be to make a distinction between work and play. This would work for me if after work or school I came home and did something that I really enjoy (or “play”) such as a craft or taking a walk with my dog and fiancé. The second solution is to try and convince my mind that work and school are just as much fun as play, and make the best out of the situation. I could think of school as expanding my mind and making me a better-rounded individual, and work as a chance to play with kids and learn the ins and outs of caring for them before having kids of my own. The third solution would be to recognize that with joy can come pain, but also that when I am having a hard day at work I will also find happiness in it.

Week 7 Post 2

Having now been in a healthy, balanced relationship for over 2 years I can see how terrible past relationships were when they were unbalanced. When I was in control, it made me feel terrible because then I felt like I was dominating the relationship. But when you are powerless, that can almost feel worse...I have never been in an abusive relationship, but there were times I felt weak and confused because I knew I didn't have the "say" that I needed in order to be happy. With more power, yes you get what you want, but it wasn't who I wanted to be. With balance, you know that there is work in the relationship but it is worth it in the end because both parties will be happy and be a team. This goes for more than just romantic relationships, if you know your friend or loved one has more power over you, then you stop standing up for yourself and what is right. It will be hard to stand up to those who have power of us, but it will help us be stronger in the end.

Week 7 Post 1

Dealing with the issue of trust is something that I have been up against this past week with a family member on my fiance's side of the family. She had taken complete advantage of his younger sister and stole from her, and I wanted to protect my sister-in-law. The cousin denied, denied, denied and even tried to put blame on his sister. This happened several months ago, and my sister-in-law hates confrontation so she totally let her get away without any sort of conversation about it. With our wedding coming up, my fiance and I agreed that the trust was lost in his cousin and we didn't trust her on our big day with gifts and money easily accessible. It makes me very sad because she and I used to get along great, and with her now trying to get back into the family unit without an apology is upsetting to me. In order for trust to be restored, she has to have an open conversation with us and be able to own up to what she did. Without that acknowledgement of her stealing from my sister-in-law, I think trust would be hard to get back again. But we all know that life is short, and with proper apologies and working on trust again, we will gladly accept her apology and move forward.